Poetry 146

Vivification: The End

My body has become like an aged machine:
it struggles onward as I push it to
meet with my daily requirements.
I remember days, I think, when I was younger
and it took so much to push me to my limit.
Now, just a short walk does it.

I fear too that like the driving force of
an old machine – the engine –
my mind, the driving force of me,
is starting to give in.
In my youth, I was sure I was memorious.
Now my memories clash with each other so often
that I nearly never place much trust in them.

I am ready to go
– to leave this world –
I think.
Certainly, I know,
I am on the brink.

In those I leave behind, I will live on.
But my children’s children’s children, I’ll miss when I’m gone.
In those of family – even those yet to come –
I glean all of my joy these days.
But to my great despondency,
they are nearly always away.

With so much physical pain
and my only source of joy away,
I reach a place where I can know
most unequivocally that I am ready to go.
I will soon move on, into what comes next –
I believe a rejoining with God,
with Her, and all that is.
From Death’s sweet kiss,
I will enter the escape pod and
leave this world to rejoin the place best.
I’ll reenter Heaven – the world before this.

I’ve done all I needed here,
so now I will move on.
I know this as I begin
to see that I am infinitely near
the end.
Of here.

- Jeffrey Grimm Blake, 2001

Vivification: The Loss

New is gone.
Brand-new has come.
I smile sometimes when I think
of how life’s cycle continues on.

Visits come sometimes, from New,
and, usually, Brand-new comes too.
Those moments are joyous,
but they are far too few.

When left without them, only pain do I feel.
In those times, the loss becomes too real.
She was supposed to outlive me!
Why not I? Why did She have to go?

For whatever reason,
the result is certain:
it seems for every season
one constant will remain:
again
alone.

Sometimes I think it’s too much to take.
Sometimes I can actually feel myself break.
It’s a wonder that from my tears
has not there formed a sixth great lake.

Without her, there is only me;
no warmth, no arms of safety;
no canine companion, no additions making me complete;
not even bits of confusion mixing
happiness with a loss of identity.
There is only me
and sadness.

When I lost Her,
I lost all of my gladness.

I fear it may ultimately drive me to madness.

- Jeffrey Grimm Blake, 2001

Vivification: The Middle

Toil turns to craft,
as time leads to achievement.
Each success is matched
with advancement.
The resulting compensation –
more meaningful than merely monetary –
is beyond sufficient.

At home, experience leads me to know,
and knowledge enables me to lead.
New begins to become old.
The things I’ve lived in my life,
I watch in New’s unfold.

Things with Other are going smoothly too.
Next month makes 15 years since
we said “I do.”
I’m certain that more than
15 more will henceforth happily ensue.

It seems all is going well.
I have everything I’ve wanted.
And yet, the thought that this is all there is,
it often leaves me haunted.

I know not what is lacking for my satisfaction.
I have what I want and with family, all is great.
What is lacking isn’t easy to name.
I suppose it consists mainly of passion.

Still, there’s little I would change.
And I’m not unhappy;
I guess I’m just feeling a tad plain.
But I’ll live just as I have,
and I’ll be happy too.
Perhaps all I need is a
redefined appearance or a vehicle new.

- Jeffrey Grimm Blake, 2001

Vivification: The Addition

The Guardians are now gone
and I am left alone.
Everything feels empty and cold
in the new place I’ve come to call home.

I’m there seldom enough that it doesn’t seem too bad.
I’m usually off learning still,
though specifics now - relating to my toil.
I’m baffled at that situation – my constant turmoil:
I’m given education for my vocation,
yet I must toil to earn to learn.

It all takes such time
and I’m left feeling so alone.
I regret that the Guardians are gone.
It seems home is not home.
All of it feels empty
because I am so alone.

Then, at the institute, it happens.
I meet her and
She is better than anything I could fathom.

Now two become one;
and soon make three.
A path is chosen.
The Future seems complete.

The New doesn’t understand
this world.
Thus it becomes
my job to teach.

Once the Protected,
I have become the Protector.
Experience, it seems,
changes everything in this world.

- Jeffrey Grimm Blake, 2001

Vivification: The Socialization

I have found others like me!
There are more than just I who know so little of this world.
We together share much recreation
and, of the world's mysteries, education.
When those others like me are away,
I’m left with those who brought me to this place.

Those who brought me here have become my guardians.
They protect me
and ensure I get all I need.

But in return they have great control over me.
There are tasks I must perform
to keep them appeased.
And of my whereabouts they must always be informed,
lest they become displeased.
So I do as they require and both they and I remain relatively happy.

The others like me, and these guardian figures -
that's most of my life, but there's something more.
There's a companion that is wholly my own.
It is a canine creature
given by my guardians
for me and me alone.
Their reasons, I suspect, relate to testing my level of responsibility -
or, perhaps, they indeed wish simply to please me.

Regardless, I care for it and
in return it gives devotion and affection.
It is always there for me and glad
when I am there for it.
The pleasure I from it get
and the joys that it provides serve to much enrich my life.

Combined with the others like me,
the guardians and my related duties,
this lobo makes my life complete.

- Jeffrey Grimm Blake, 2001

Vivification: The Development

A world still new,
though it is now all I know.
I still see her often,
though infrequently I am left alone.
The noises - voices - were making words.
And I am beginning to learn them.
As strange as they are, I have found
that I can mimic - actually create - these sounds.

I am now accustomed to the brightness,
though their powerful, beautiful structures of luminicity
are far beyond fascinating to me.
Each day is filled with scenes and sights
completely new to me,
and colors I had never imagined.

That any world can be this large -
this full of amazing sights and sounds,
that this world has such astonishing things abound -
is almost beyond my comprehension.

Still, I take it all in and continue to learn.
I am fascinated, astounded, and amazed.
But I'll observe as I develop and grow.
Eventually, I hope, I will know
enough of this world to live
strong and capable within it.
As strange as this world is, that may be my crowning achievement.

- Jeffrey Grimm Blake, 2001

Vivification: The Beginning

Warmth - Dissipating;
Light, far too bright - Alarming;
Familiar comforts - Disappearing;
Strange noises, voices - Disarming.

Where is this?
What has happened to me?
Somehow I have lost
all that I have ever known to be.
How could it be that Everything has changed?
I've never known such fear!
The world has never been this strange!

Yet, in my despair and fright and fatigue, it happens.
One of the voices, I seem to recognize,
and one or two of these beings are trying to comfort me.
Some warmth returns as I am covered in an unknown material
and placed in giant arms.
I sense this being will protect me.
Here, I feel safe from harm.

The sounds grow softer and less disturbing.
Still I feel I know the voice of this being.
I am sure it was with me before -
in my life other.
In these arms of comfort, I finally sleep
and in my dreams, the noises become words.
And I know that I did know her before.
She was with me always -
though I saw her not.
She was there - in fact, everywhere -
in the beginning before this beginning.
In this knowledge of safety, I rejoice.

- Jeffrey Grimm Blake, 2001

Monday, December 31, 2001