Suicide?

Suicide? My love, I think not.
Life's the one thing in this world that I've got.
For if to death I in fact began,
I'd be choosing to never take your hand.

And then a month down the road,
when a new direction your choice could go,
I would have lost the love and the life.
For after death you couldn't be my wife.

Or next year, if your heart someone did break,
I wouldn't be there to try to take his place.
Or two years from now, when I could in fact find
that MU was the best choice for an education mine,
if I were dead, together we could not be,
from Heaven or Hell, I would pity me.

Or ten years henceforth, when a computer company great
needs the lead programmer to take
charge of a company in a town
where you just happened to hang around,
were I not there, all wouldn't be right.

And so, my love, I look forward to life.

Jeffrey Blake, June 11, 1998

Friends

Death, it wouldn't be so unwelcome at a time such as this.
But then, that too is not to be,
as I have promised one such as she.
And to her I cannot lie.
So, alas, I will not die.

Here I sit and wish for her sweet kiss.
One thing of many that I'll miss.
And yet alone, I'm truly not,
for friends we'll be as sure as lovers not.
Somehow sometimes this thought does help,
as I ponder whether to kill myself.

At times like now it doesn't hurt.
I almost pray for times that are worse.
For in these moments, emotions lax,
my soul is empty. I'm made of wax.

I long for her touch, but there's just a memory.
Perhaps someday, with peace, that too will cease to be,
but for now I wish only for her, here,
and the joy of her being near.

I cannot sleep. I cannot eat.
She is all I feel I need.
For a short time we were engaged, last March,
and yet this June she broke my heart.

Friends it is she wants to be.
"Friends," it would be so hard for me.
So much more is what I feel.
I hope in time my heart will heal.

And yet also, I hope it won't.
For if infact her mind does change,
my love for her will seem less strange.
So I live from day to day,
and I wonder if everything must stay this way.

-Jeffrey Grimm Blake, June 10, 1998